I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I lost the right to judge tonight
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
