I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
