I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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