we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
