I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
