last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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