After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
