yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
