found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
