Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
