How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
