Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
