i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
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Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
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I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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