if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
