Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm both gender and math confused
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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