No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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