Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
