Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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