Whod you bang
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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