I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
