i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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