some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
