You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
