and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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