every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
