As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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