you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Randomize
