he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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