what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
