I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
