the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
