My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
