I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
She made me pour olive oil on her.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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