there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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