so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
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now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
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I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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