im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
