On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
