we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
