he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
