There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
