Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
