So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
