new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Randomize
