My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
