Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
