i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
