6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
