I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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