She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
