I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
