she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
