I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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