I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
