She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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