Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
