What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
