She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
We're too hungover to prance.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
