I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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