I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
