How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
