I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
