yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Randomize
