My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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