He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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