Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
