I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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