i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
