We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
