i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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