batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
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