I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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